The traditional “cushion-bumper-cushion” approach to giving feedback is tired and outdated. There are more effective and genuine ways to provide feedback, especially if you want it to be a positive experience instead of a dreaded one.
Old School (Not So) Cool
When I took on my first supervisory role, the most challenging task for me was learning how to talk to employees whose performance needed improvement. Whether during a performance review or addressing a mistake, I struggled with it. I felt as if I had to navigate an imaginary line between being direct and being kind, and I always seemed to veer too far to one side or the other.
Initially, I was trained by some “old-school” managers who provided me with the fabled formula—cushion-bumper-cushion—that was supposed to alleviate friction during meetings while clearly indicating areas that needed improvement. If any of you have tried this method, I suspect you discovered the same thing I did: it stinks. Employees can see this coming from a mile away, and as soon as you start the first “cushion,” you can sense from their body language that they’re on edge. Plus, it doesn’t position you as helpful, but rather as someone tasked with reprimanding their bad behavior.
One of the reasons the cushion-bumper-cushion method is so charmless is that it feels like beating around the bush. The longer you take to spit out that first positive affirmation, the more you try to put your employees in a good mood before delivering the ugly blow, the more patronized they feel and the more anxious you both become. Over the years, I’ve come to believe that people generally value directness over fluffiness. However, directness only works if they trust and respect you. So, the question is: how do you earn someone’s trust and respect when you’re the bearer of bad news?
Leadership shouldn’t just be about upholding standards. To earn respect and build strong cooperation within their teams, leaders must take on the responsibility of supporting team members as they grow. If you’re able to approach negative feedback with an eye toward someone’s betterment (and if you follow through on it), you’ll turn what could be an awkward conversation into another building block in a strong relationship.
Here are six segments I include in every feedback session – especially when I have to address a problem. They keep me and my team on the same page and ensure that every interaction is good for the long-term relationship even if it’s stressful in the moment..
1. Start with Gratitude
I hope you can admit it: small talk is the worst. If you’ve brought an employee into your office or the conference room, they know you don’t give a rat’s patootie about what you did over the weekend or how your garden is doing this year. They know there’s business to handle, so stop stalling.
Don’t overcomplicate this, either. One sentence gets it done:
“Hi, Rick. Thanks so much for taking the time to meet with me today.”
That’s it. Nothing flashy, no double-talk. Set a positive tone and get right to business.
2. Address the Concern Directly
This is the meat of the entire conversation – bringing up the concern. The strategy is to rip off the bandaid, albeit gracefully. At first, this technique might feel swift and cold. If you’re an empathetic person like I am, you might find this difficult on your first few tries. Remember that you’re the leader, and this person is your responsibility. Everything should be said with a genuine desire to help your employee grow. If you follow that doctrine, I promise it’ll be ok.
Here are a few sample segues:
“This is why I wanted to talk with you: I noticed that, over the last three months, less than half of your clients have extended their service contracts.”
“I’ve noticed that the last few reports have missed some key data points, and I wanted us to talk about that.”
“I wanted to check in because you’ve been late for your shift at least once a week lately.”
Get immediately to the area of concern, but do so tactfully and with empathy. Be concise and factual. Try to maintain relaxed body language and keep an even, soft tone of voice. If they look uneasy or don’t respond, you may need to lubricate the conversation:
“You’re not in trouble, and I want to help. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
After you ask them the question, the really important part of this step happens: listen. Don’t listen to respond, but to understand. Show genuine interest and try to understand what’s contributing to their situation.
3. Make It About Them, Not About You
The whole premise of leadership is to take responsibility for the people you manage before taking responsibility for the results. That means that, when you have to give your team feedback, the best course to take is the one that supports your team members. Support your team, and results will follow.
Hopefully, you’ve already learned something about your employee and what drives them (if you haven’t, you should get on it). Your job now is to let them know that you’re on their side and that you to support them to achieve their goals, however humble or lofty those might be.
“I want to help you extend your clients so that you don’t have to work so hard onboarding new ones all the time. I know that’s time-intensive and leads to burnout, and I don’t want that for you. What can I do to help?”
“I know these errors are pretty minor, but I’d hate to see you miss out on opportunities in other departments because they think you’re not as thorough as you could be. What kind of support would you need to feel equipped for this?”
“You do great work when you’re here, and I want to keep you on staff. How can we arrange the schedule so it’s easier for you to get here?”
This isn’t just about making the stakes higher. When you demonstrate that you’re invested in your employee’s long-term success, you’re letting them know that you’re more interested in helping them fix the behavior so can keep them onboard than about putting them on a PIP or adding a reprimand to their file.
4. Be Part of the Solution
I hope you noticed that all these conversions end with some version of the same question: “What can I do to help?” Most employees really do want to do a good job at work, and your job as their manager/supervisor is to do whatever you can to encourage them to perform well and remove obstacles that are preventing them from succeeding. So, when you ask them what you can do to help, try your best to give them what they need. Trust me – they’ll thank you with respect and loyalty.
5. Set Clear Expectations – For Both of You
Setting clear expectations is probably the single most important skill managers/supervisors need to develop. As it relates to giving feedback, it’s imperative that you set an achieveable goal in such a way that the employee will know objectively whether or not it’s been met.
Not only should you set guidelines for your employee, but you should let them know exactly what you’re going to do to help them meet their goal.
“Over the last three months, 42% of your clients have extended. Over the next three months, let’s work together to get that up to 60%. I’ll schedule us for a weekly one-on-one so we can take a look at what’s upcoming and be prepared to handle some of those tough objections.”
“Let’s work on the next 3 reports together so I can make sure all of our processes are in place. After that, let’s have you do the next three on your own but I’ll proof them before yo submit them to the compliance team. By the end of those six weeks, I want you to feel confident completing the reports on your own.”
“If I can move your shift one hour later, I’ll need to see at least a month without tardiness to be sure this solution will work long-term.”
You can be clear and firm, but still be kind and helpful.
6. For Heaven’s Sake, Follow Through!
This strategy only works if you commit to it. Is it extra work for you? Absolutely. But it’s much easier and much less stressful to manage a few weeks of mentorship than to have an unproductive employee wreak havoc on your team for a whole year. Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses, but it shows great strength of leadership to first try to mediate the problem effectively.
In Short: Be Empathetic and Earnestly Helpful
More than anything else, effective feedback is thoughtful, personal, and solution-oriented. Anyone can find a problem, but it takes a leader to solve it. The days of wagging fingers and threatening consequences are over; it’s simply not an effective way to balance productivity with morale. By embracing this direct yet empathetic approach to giving feedback, leaders can build trust, foster growth, and strengthen relationships within their teams. If you learn to engage in each conversation with genuine care and a commitment to support, you’ll transform difficult discussions into opportunities for growth, connection, and success.
